5:30 & Venus

I still wake thinking I'm there, more like wishing I was there. Funny, physically, my body had a terrible time of it, but I have forgotten all that. If I could go back... if only... to savor it once more. I haven't had time to wash my dusty clothes just yet, I think I'm subconsciously putting it off. Today I came home from my first day back at my day job, walked up the stairs and into my room, dropped all my crap and grabbed the first playafied thing I could find. It was my playa slip, a sadness came over me as I buried my face within the fabric. I breathed deeply. Besides playa it had different smells, curious... I wore it to the temple burn and it was the last thing I slept in. It smells of dust, me, my perfume, and plastic (air mattress). My clothes are one thing, but I refuse to clean my flipflops, my converse, and the soles of my boots (sadly i had to clean the leather, last year the alkaline dust ate my old boots). If I don't need to clean the playa off of it I usually won't, sentimental me... When I walk around town I constantly check shoes. I haven't found another burner yet, I need a burner hug. Bo or neighbor to the back of us gave Rob a pin, who intern gave it to me. I wear it sometimes, when I'm feeling separated, but like Bo asked, I will put it on my tent text year at BM. I looked up the address on the back www.cleu.org or http://www.cleu.org/intro.html. Take a look at it if you have a chance.

I miss the playa...

The playa is where my heart is, it's where I feel at home most, it's where you feel loved and close to those who surround you and now I'm back. Coming back I realize that I don't belong here. There's nothing for me here... no closeness, no love, no reason really, I'm just floating... I don't know what I'm doing here. I feel so lost. I'm tired of my job. To add to this my room mate is moving out in December! Do I stay and take on rent or leave. Decisions, decisions... Once again, it's time for change... It's time to stir up my pot.

Freestate.
I can hear your soul crying
listen to your spirit sighing
i can feel your desperation
emotional deprivation

Let yourself go
let yourself go
let your feeling show

Picking up the conversations
deep in your imagination
tune into the lonely voices
talking of their only choices

Let yourself go
let yourself go
let your spirit grow

Step out of your cage
and onto the stage
it's time to start
playing your part
freedom awaits
open the gates
open your mind
freedom's a state

I can taste the tears falling
the bitterness inside you calling
yearning for a liberation
emotional emancipation
Let yourself go
let yourself go
let your senses overflow

Step out of your cage
and onto the stage
it's time to start
playing your part
freedom awaits
open the gates
open hour mind
freedom's a state.

~Martin L. Gore (Depeche Mode)